Change!

So, I have been thinking lately (last night and this morning) about several things I want to change...about me, about my life, etc...in a postive way, not in the, "I'm a bad person, I don't measure up cause I'm not like everybody else" kind of way. I just kind of feel like I've hit a turning point in my life where I can see the things I want to change in myself and I am excited about the potential I have (we all have) to get to where we want to be and enjoying that journey. I also think after watching the Glen Beck "Returning to Honor" rally yesterday I am feeling pretty inspired. I LOVED every second of that event and I want to take his challenge to be better! Here are some key things I want to work on:

1) Thinking before I speak! I have noticed over the last 27 years that I am an instinctively impulsive person in several ways. I really want to be better about respecting things that need to be respected and revered rather than making light of them. I want to stop gossiping altogether. I don't think I'm horrible about this, but I have A LOT of room for improvement. I need to remember that everybody is doing the best they know how to do and my judgement, however trivial it may seem, is not helpful for anyone. In certain situations I need to ask myself, "Am I being a builder or a destroyer?
"I watched them tearing a building down, A gang of men in a busy town. With a ho-heave-ho and a lusty yell, They swung a beam and the sides fell. I asked the foreman, "Are these men skilled And the kind you would hire, if you had to build?" And he gave a laugh and said, No indeed, Just common labor is all I need. I can easily wreck in a day or two What other builders have taken a year to do." And I thought to myself as I went my way, "Which of these roles have I tried to play? Am I a builder that works with care Measuring life by the rule and square. Am I shaping my deeds to a well made plan, Patiently doing the best I can? Or am I a wrecker who walks the town, Content with the labor of tearing down?"

We need each other. We need each other's kindness, acceptance, and most of all we need each other's love. I want to be able to look at someone who I have just let offend me and think, what are they going through in their life that might have made them say that or do that? How are they feeling? What are their insecurities? How can I help? This sounds pretty Idealistic, I know, but I really think that it's something I can at least be better at!

2) I want to be more positive. No matter how awful a situation can seem in the moment I want to be better at stepping back and looking fo the good and the hope in it all. Being negative(however therapeutic it may feel in the moment) only makes me feel more hopeless in the end. Or maybe I'll take a chance to vent (in a respectful way:) and then move on looking for the positive. People see what they're looking for. I want to look for the Good.

3) I want to be more honorable. I want to mean what I say. I want to be completely honest about things, even if it means paying for things I don't think I should have to pay for...like going out to the lake:) Like paying to go on a hike! I think that's rediculous, but keeping my dignity is more important than a few dollars.

4) I want to be more grateful! Gratitude can make the worst situation seem humorous, turn a simple meal into a feast, or a stranger into a friend. Gratitude heals me and I need to create more of it in my life!

As I was thinking about all these things I wanted to change I began to feel overwhelmed and then I remembered the scripture in Ether 12:27 that says:"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." His grace is sufficient, even for me!

I also want to reread the book called, "Standing For Something" by Gordon B. Hinckley. it is a wonderful book and if anyone is looking for an inspiring book...look no further! This is the one:) Anyway, that's all that's on my mind.

For Good!

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with meLike a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Because I knew you I have been changed for good!!!

This song is from a play that I long to see someday called, Wicked. This song basically says it all for me but tonight I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I feel like I need to share and as is indicated in my blog title "Carapy" writing about things is a form of therapy for me:) So tonight for my "Carrie therapy" I'm going to talk about how grateful I am... It has struck me lately how intimately involved the Lord is in each of our lives and how unaware we are, or at least, how unaware I have been of this. Every friend He has ever sent my way, each and every family member I have been given in my life, every person I have ever been remotely aquainted with has been a blessing to me. You all have taught me things I never could have learned on my own and you have loved me through times when I felt unlovable and indeed was probably hard to love:) But anyway, I just want to say thank you to all of you: my family who is perfect in our imperfections, silly, real, and precisely what I always need and to all my friends who make me feel important and add so much excitement, comfort, and meaning to my life. I love you all. Thank you for being handprints on my heart.