This month has been a month filled with lots of different emotions, fun, set backs, and growth. I think Heavenly Father is trying to teach me about faith. I am still jobless and unsure about what His plan for my life is. Most days I feel peace knowing that if I'm doing all I can do to keep my promises to God then He is bound to keep His promises to me...And sometimes Him keeping His promises to me occurs in very different ways then I think they are going to come. I just thought that if I kept job hunting and filling out applications til the cows come home that I would have a job by now and that is how I would feel His peace and feel secure. But, that is not so for me right now=) I have been often reminded of the scripture that says,
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
So, yes, many times over, especially this month as my bank account gets smaller, the Savior truly has given me peace, but not as the world provides peace. All of us, I think at times settle into the idea that if we have a job, an education, or know exactly where we will be in the future, or when our next baby or date will come, or when we will have the house of our dreams, or this or this or that... then we can have peace, but when those aspects of our lives are sometimes
taken away, that is when we have to step back and think about where true peace comes from and what exactly it is. It is so weird to be so close to being pennyless and still jobless and be blessed with so much peace. This has never happened in my life. I have never been able to open my heart up to so much peace before. Obviously I still have days where I get anxious and begin to spiral downward in thoughts of fear, but I remember that the Savior doesn't offer peace in the form of a job or knowing the future, He offers peace in faith. He offers peace in our willingness to trust Him, believing that He will provide all we will ever need if we turn to Him. He doesn't give us trials so that we will turn to the world, He gives us trials so that we will turn to Him. He offers all we will ever need. So, I will go forward one day at a time working on my faith that no matter the circumstances of my life...all is well and it always will be as long as I'm looking up and not down, looking to Him and not to the fleeting, fake security of the world. Kind of jumbled thought, but I hope it makes some sense=)
Here are some great quotes I recently found:
" Humility is not the disavowal of our worth, rather it is the sober realization of how much we are valued by God."
Cool huh? Once we know of Gods love for us and our worth in His eyes, we no longer need to be "right", or "better", or "ahead..."
"We should always remember that God sees not as man sees, that He does not willingly afflict His children, and that if He requires them to endure present privation and trial, it is that they may escape greater tribulations which would otherwise inevitably overtake them. If He deprives us of any present blessing, it is that He may bestow upon us greater and more glorious ones by and by." George Q. Cannon
" If we could realize things as they are when we are called to pass through trials, and to suffer what we call sacrifices, we would acknowledge them to be the greatest blessings that could be bestowed upon us." Brigham Young
These quotes kind of put a new perspective on trials=)
I have been really busy this month with several different things, but one of those things was harvesting potatoes in our garden. Let me tell you people, this was one of the most addicting, fulfilling things I have ever done. Wierd, I know, but can I just say that digging in the dirt has never been this fun. I would dig and dig and find nothing and then every time right before I was about to give up....lo and behold a potato! And then the process would repeat...dig, dig, dig, nothing...about to quit and wa la! Another potato! I couldn't stop. I kept telling myself, ok, one more potato Carrie and then you have to stop and get other things done, but I couldn't. There's just something so rewarding in putting a few things in the ground, watering them, and then magically food or flowers or whatever it may be appears. The picture of one days worth of digging is above because I cant figure out how to put it below this statement...
Also, I was so excited because I got to go on a hike this month, which is one of my FAVORITE things to do! I love packing food, getting in my little Subaru, and driving to beautiful places, all the while listening to John Denver of course=) The hike was gorgeous, and peaceful, and wonderful. I saw a sign that said to beware of bears and I instantly got so excited. I love bears and one of my life "to Do's" is to see a bear in the wild and I was hoping that today was the day...It wasn't. But I did see bear droppings....Does that count? When I saw the pines and aspens I ran up to them and hugged them...literally. I am so wierd, but I couldn't let go of the trees. Something about the mountains makes me feel instantly at home and I can't get enough. I was tempted to just stay the night, but seeing as I was alone, and I'm afraid of rapists I had to tare myself away from that gorgeous place and force myself to go home=( The pictures of the hike are from my cell phone so they're not great, but it was breathtaking in person!
P.S. I think I might be going back to school to get my certification to be a recreation therapist. I only have one more class, an internship, and a national exam. If I decide to go ahead and do it, I should be official by next October!!!!
