September Thoughts and Pictures

This month has been a month filled with lots of different emotions, fun, set backs, and growth. I think Heavenly Father is trying to teach me about faith. I am still jobless and unsure about what His plan for my life is. Most days I feel peace knowing that if I'm doing all I can do to keep my promises to God then He is bound to keep His promises to me...And sometimes Him keeping His promises to me occurs in very different ways then I think they are going to come. I just thought that if I kept job hunting and filling out applications til the cows come home that I would have a job by now and that is how I would feel His peace and feel secure. But, that is not so for me right now=) I have been often reminded of the scripture that says,

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

So, yes, many times over, especially this month as my bank account gets smaller, the Savior truly has given me peace, but not as the world provides peace. All of us, I think at times settle into the idea that if we have a job, an education, or know exactly where we will be in the future, or when our next baby or date will come, or when we will have the house of our dreams, or this or this or that... then we can have peace, but when those aspects of our lives are sometimes
taken away, that is when we have to step back and think about where true peace comes from and what exactly it is. It is so weird to be so close to being pennyless and still jobless and be blessed with so much peace. This has never happened in my life. I have never been able to open my heart up to so much peace before. Obviously I still have days where I get anxious and begin to spiral downward in thoughts of fear, but I remember that the Savior doesn't offer peace in the form of a job or knowing the future, He offers peace in faith. He offers peace in our willingness to trust Him, believing that He will provide all we will ever need if we turn to Him. He doesn't give us trials so that we will turn to the world, He gives us trials so that we will turn to Him. He offers all we will ever need. So, I will go forward one day at a time working on my faith that no matter the circumstances of my life...all is well and it always will be as long as I'm looking up and not down, looking to Him and not to the fleeting, fake security of the world. Kind of jumbled thought, but I hope it makes some sense=)

Here are some great quotes I recently found:
" Humility is not the disavowal of our worth, rather it is the sober realization of how much we are valued by God."
Cool huh? Once we know of Gods love for us and our worth in His eyes, we no longer need to be "right", or "better", or "ahead..."

"We should always remember that God sees not as man sees, that He does not willingly afflict His children, and that if He requires them to endure present privation and trial, it is that they may escape greater tribulations which would otherwise inevitably overtake them. If He deprives us of any present blessing, it is that He may bestow upon us greater and more glorious ones by and by." George Q. Cannon

" If we could realize things as they are when we are called to pass through trials, and to suffer what we call sacrifices, we would acknowledge them to be the greatest blessings that could be bestowed upon us." Brigham Young

These quotes kind of put a new perspective on trials=)

I have been really busy this month with several different things, but one of those things was harvesting potatoes in our garden. Let me tell you people, this was one of the most addicting, fulfilling things I have ever done. Wierd, I know, but can I just say that digging in the dirt has never been this fun. I would dig and dig and find nothing and then every time right before I was about to give up....lo and behold a potato! And then the process would repeat...dig, dig, dig, nothing...about to quit and wa la! Another potato! I couldn't stop. I kept telling myself, ok, one more potato Carrie and then you have to stop and get other things done, but I couldn't. There's just something so rewarding in putting a few things in the ground, watering them, and then magically food or flowers or whatever it may be appears. The picture of one days worth of digging is above because I cant figure out how to put it below this statement...

Also, I was so excited because I got to go on a hike this month, which is one of my FAVORITE things to do! I love packing food, getting in my little Subaru, and driving to beautiful places, all the while listening to John Denver of course=) The hike was gorgeous, and peaceful, and wonderful. I saw a sign that said to beware of bears and I instantly got so excited. I love bears and one of my life "to Do's" is to see a bear in the wild and I was hoping that today was the day...It wasn't. But I did see bear droppings....Does that count? When I saw the pines and aspens I ran up to them and hugged them...literally. I am so wierd, but I couldn't let go of the trees. Something about the mountains makes me feel instantly at home and I can't get enough. I was tempted to just stay the night, but seeing as I was alone, and I'm afraid of rapists I had to tare myself away from that gorgeous place and force myself to go home=( The pictures of the hike are from my cell phone so they're not great, but it was breathtaking in person!

P.S. I think I might be going back to school to get my certification to be a recreation therapist. I only have one more class, an internship, and a national exam. If I decide to go ahead and do it, I should be official by next October!!!!

The Necklace

I found this story on my cousins blog and loved it! So, I thought Id share this too...I know, I know, Im a big fat blog copyer!haha I think Im just going through a time where my brain and heart are resting and I have few original thoughts of my own=)

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

"Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, mommy, please?"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save up enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday is only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her piggy bank and counted 17 pennies. After dinner she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes daddy, you now I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."

"That's ok honey, daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's ok. Sleep well. God bless you little one..Daddy loves you."

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it Jenny? Whats the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything, but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here daddy, this is for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny...

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

My new favorite song=)

My Mom heard this song the other day and sent it to me because she new I needed it...I listened to it, loved it, and thought I would share it because I know that we all go through really hard times; regardless of how apparent those hard times are. Anyway, enjoy and hopefully it will uplift at least one who needs to be reminded that it is through the tragedies in life that God shows His love, His healing, and His constant awareness and concern for us=) Thanks Mom!

click on the link and you can watch the video.

http://youtu.be/1CSVqHcdhXQ

Here are the lyrics:

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

A few of my favorite things:)

I Stand All Amazed

Over the past couple weeks I have had the opportunity to do some thinking. Sometimes in life, being alone with your thoughts is a very scarey thing. There have been moments of absolute emptiness and an overwhelming sense of sadness... A loneliness that at times made it hard to breath...But in the end, having those hours filled with confusion and heartache has turned out to be a blessing. I dont know why I am always surprised by this. Pain is how Heavenly Father gets us to turn toward Him and His Son. With out pain we would have no reason to look beyond the moment, to look deeper into ourselves, and see, truly see what He sees in us. Pain keeps us from living life on the surface and missing the meaning of life. This is a truth that I am coming to know: Me + God = Enough. It always has and it always will. Everything in my life can be taken from me, but as long as I turn to the one true, lasting source of peace and love, I will always have enough and be enough. It is so easy to look at the people around me and see them living their seemingly happy, perfect lives and look at all they have and compare it to everything I don't have. As I was thinking about that this quote came to me, "Happiness isn't something that depends on our surroundings; it's something we make inside ourselves." So in the end, happiness has nothing to do with what I own, whether I have a job or not, whether I have children or not, whether I have someone who loves me or not, my happiness is something I create, not anyone or anything else. My happiness is in direct correlation to the perspective I have...It all boils down to how grateful I am. I cant have some things yet or ever, but I do have sunsets to silently watch, daisies in the spring, nieces and nephews that for some reason think I'm the coolest thing ever, sisters who listen to me complain and cry for hours on the phone and validate me no matter how irrational I am, a Mom who writes me sweet notes and plays with my hair during church, a Dad who would give me everything he has if I asked for it, life long friends who will always think I'm funny and want to spend time with me, long walks in the summertime, a front yard swing that I get to sit in and listen to the birds sing and watch the aspens blow in the breeze, trees and mountains to climb, a Savior who gave me His life so I could be happy, and more love than I will ever know what to do with. Wow. When I actually take the time to step back and look at it, I am SO blessed. Gratitude is the secret to life, I think. So all in all, their is growth in the pain and even though its hard to comprehend there is a deep profound love that He is expressing in the very hours of our own Gethsemane. So, from now on I am going to try and remember that each day I have the choice to be happy or not. It is up to me. Not that I dont have many, many more bad days to come, but I hope these lessons I'm learning will help me get through the hard times a little more gracefully. Happiness is my choice.

Broken Dreams

"As children bring their broken toys

with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

because He was my friend.

But instead of leaving Him

in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How can you be so slow?"

"My child," he said "What could I do?"

"You never let them go."

Sorry if it seems like my posts have been so sad lately...it's just how I cope with life. When I'm sad or discouraged or lonely or lost I look for poems, quotes, or songs that can better express exactly how I'm feeling or things that help me to hope. I came across this poem which I had written in my journal over a year ago and it was exactly what I needed. At times I really feel like I have let go of what I want and I have told Heavenly Father that I will try and learn to want what He wants for me, but after a while my own will starts creeping in and takes over. I continue to "put in orders" to God letting Him know what I would like and when, quickly forgetting that He knows far more than I do about what I need and what will eventually make me happy...truly happy...and what is happiness without extensive amounts of pain to compare it to? Nothing. So I am going forward knowing, not hoping, but knowing that somehow, someday Heavenly Father will take my pain and broken dreams and turn them into something far better than I ever could have imagined.

PATTY GRIFFIN ~ RAIN ~