Spencer and life:)

Today I came accross some old newspaper articles about my brother and his death that I taped into my journal when he died 6 years ago. No matter how hard I tried to write in my journal during that time about what had happened, no words would come, none, just tears...So I taped these articles in there to take the place of my words until the day came when I could write about what happened. As the months passed I began to feel like that day would never come; I would never be able to speak about or document that awful time in my life and my familie's lives. So I tucked the journal away years ago and forgot about it...until today. As I was surprised to see those empty pages that I had long ago forgotten i was struck with an overwhelming feeling of love. I have read that scripture a thousand times that says everything that happens in our lives Heavenly Father can make good if we let Him and I recalled how many times I have thought of experience in my life that were exceptions to that promise. But as I sat there today reading the articles I realized how the Lord has made good on his promise. I miss my brother all the time. sometimes more than others. sometimes so much it is hard to breath, but lately along with that ache in my heart comes peace and happiness too. I never ever thought I would ever feel any hope or peace reagarding the way Spencer's life ended, but the miracle of it all is that I do. I really do. I am closer to that boy now than I ever was when he was alive. He has become one of my closest friends and I have felt him there beside me many times over the past few months. What a blessing his life continues to be to me and what a blessing that the Lord has turned something so painful and heartwrenching into something wonderful.